Monday, May 5, 2008

Don’t ask me... Current mood: Sarcastic


Okay, if you know me, you know that I tend to have a "bit" of dry humor. So, if you have asked me the following, don't get your feelings hurt. If you don't "know" me, I really am very sweet (noise like a baby blowing raspberries). Just take it for what it is--funny stuff.
If you know that I had cancer, please don't ask me:


"Are you in remission?" The first answer is, "I have no idea what that really is." The second answer is, "There is no remission for breast cancer." With some cancers, you get to five years and they say you are in "remission", they even may say (gasp!) that you are "cured." However, breast cancer is a sneaky little fucker and can come back at any time--2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc. No one ever dies from breast cancer in the breast. It's the distant spots that scare the crap out of me.


"Did they get it all?" The answer I want to give (and might just start to people I know well enough) is "No, they just took out a little bit and left the rest in there to see what it would do. We are just taking our chances." I usually just laugh and avoid a 30-minute instructional conversation about lumpectomy, clear margins, etc. I don't have time for that anymore. (At this point, if I were telling this to my husband, I would add, "I don't know how much time I do have." It's a joke, laugh.)


"Are you done with chemo?" Well, let's see. My hair is past my ears, I am not bloated (face, ass, you name it), and I am probably out drinking (with the question asker). I know that it is just "something" to say, as so many people are just curious and caring and want to acknowledge that I had it and they were worried. I am just a smartass--can't help it.


Don't ask me if I am still "planning on having more children." I, in turn, promise to not ask you about your propensity for drinking before noon. In case you (reading this blog) are wondering...Your damn skippy I am. I plan on doing exactly what I was doing/going to do before I found the "lump". Otherwise, what was the point of my sucky 2007?!? If you assume that pregnancy gave me cancer, you are assuming that Cooper gave me cancer, and I will promptly kick your ass.


You can ask me:
"How are you feeling?" That is always good, and shows that you really care about my "here and now". If I say, "Great", "Fine", "Super" or anything like that, PLEASE DO NOT say, "Really?" with that crazy-looking head tilt (a la Princess Diana). If you do, I might tell you what the tamoxifen is doing to me, and some of it ain't pretty.


I don't really have a quote for this one, but it is fine to ask me if I have any treatments (of any kind, just don't be stupid and ask about the chemo) left, what they are, how long they take, do they suck? Etc.?


This may seem really snarky and bitchy. I don't mean it to be. However, I do think that all cancer "survivors" (which you pretty much get to be the day after you find the damn stuff) should have the right to be snark and bitchy if they feel like it. You take poison 6 times in a row and see if you aren't a little on the cranky side when it comes to it!


So, don't be offended. I do love you, and do appreciate you caring and wondering. Actually, I really just write these blogs for me, as I do like to hear myself "talk". Plus, it runs in the family, so I cannot be entirely to blame.