Monday, June 23, 2007

Okay. I am really bad about updating this, but when you only have 11 days a month to feel normal, you use that time to the fullest extent with "living"!

After my third treatment, Todd, Cooper & I spent the weekend at Pat & Kelly's cabin (it's not a cabin, it's a friggin' nice house) with Butch & Connie. All of their childrens were there, and Cooper had a blast. I pretty much just sat (and ate-a LOT), but it was better than just sitting at home. Connie cooked for us all weekend, and I am not sure what I am going to do without a personal chef after this next treatment...

It took me a full 9 days after treatments 1 and 2 to feel normal again. For number 3, I was feeling pretty good by Wednesday. A full 5 days earlier. Cooper's birthday party was on the 14th, and I felt great! My Daddy (Jackson) and stepmother (Phoebe) came in on Wednesday and stayed until Sunday. It was wonderful to see them and to get to spend time with them. It was even better for Cooper to have that opportunity. We hadn't seen them in almost 2 years, and it was just like he had seen them a week before!

This Friday (July 27) is treatment 4. I am really dreading it's after-effects. I DO NOT convalesce very well, especially when I have a child to take care of and a store to get back to!!! I think I make myself a little crazy fighting it. Craz-ier.

So, I am more than halfway done. In 6 weeks and 4 days, I hope to never have to do this again. To be honest, I have my doubts, but I refuse to prattle on about it here. Except for this, and keep it a secret: I really don't have a positive attitude. I am truly pissed off that I have to do this at all. I am pissed off that I have to worry about my son living without me. I am pissed off that I had a sore throat for two days and was sure it was another cancer. There, that's all I am going to rage about for now.

On the lasting side effect front, I have been having pretty intense neuropathy (tingling, some numbness) in my feet, which could either a) change my dosage or b) end chemo early. I haven't spoken with Dr. Bender about it yet, but the PA made a comment indicating same/or.
My hair goes through cycles: it falls out, it grows, it falls out, it grows. I have 4 really cool wigs, which are not irritating enough to not wear them. I haven't shaved my legs in almost two weeks and have nothing but a bit of fuzz.

I still have 17 of the 19 pounds I have put on, and none of my pants fit me. I refuse to buy more, so it's skirts and dresses most days. The bonus is that I don't have a wrinkle one on my face...
My feet and cuticles look like crap. Oh, wait. My feet and cuticles always look like crap, so I can't play the chemo card on that one.

Thanks for signing the guestbook. It means a lot to me to just see your names there. If I gave you this site addy, it's because you mean something to me. It's a short list, I assure you.